Hasn’t Independence Day become nothing but another holiday where we snooze for little longer, listen to patriotic songs and watch the plethora of patriotic films on the telly inside the comforts of our living room? But then patriotism today borders greatly on nationalism, on jingoism and operates under the veneer of democracy, it is a dangerous situation. Writer Mulk Raj Anand once said, “The emotion of nationalism is the most dangerous and undesirable when it becomes self-assertive, as it tends to be more irrational.” In today’s India where our “leaders” have forgotten to celebrate the pluralism of country and accept the diversity, where they under the garb of nationalism and pride are up in arms (both literally and figuratively) against “outsiders,” where they don’t think twice in ransacking public property or spelling out draconian diktats all in the name of “saving regional pride,” it indeed holds true.

And 63 years after independence the dream, the utopia sill lingers on.

iving with her I had taken her presence for granted. She gets up early in the morning, finishes her rituals and cooks our breakfast and lunch and then gets ready for office. Even before I am awake, she is out for her work, what follows is another series of everyday struggle. But she does it without a break, without a complaint just an occasional outburst (which  is totally justified , I think now).

Even on day one I am at tenterhooks as to how I will manage for the next six days. But what I miss most is her constant reminder to eat on time, to take my medicines, to sleep adequately etc. Finally I am humbled thanks to this woman and I have finally realized the truth behind the saying: God couldn’t be everywhere hence He created Mothers. Touché.

 Humbled I stand.

 Closer home, on Tuesday this week the Darul Uloom, Deoband, India’s foremost Islamic seminary stated that Muslim women should not work alongside men in public and private offices. On Wednesday they “clarified” that they were not against women working only that women need to be properly covered in government and private offices, never bothering to explain what this loaded term “proper” means. In January 2003, four women in the Kashmir Valley, two of them young students, a teacher and the fourth a 43-year-old woman all were killed because they refused to follow a dress dictat propagated by a militant group insisting that all women wear veils.

 In India there are enough and more examples of women being asked to “cover up” properly. Muslim women here wear the burqa, in the holy land of Benaras Hindu widows are seen in only in white often living like a social pariah, in rural Rajasthan the colour of the dupatta reveals whether a woman is single, married or a widow. In Punjab and UP, women are often told to cover their heads to mark their modesty. In Kerala, on the hand, lower caste women fought to cover their breasts, they said it was their right as well as choice.

 All the above examples make me wonder why is there always a need for a dress code especially for women? That’s the question which surfaces time and again cutting across differences of caste, culture, color and country. While some concern can be genuine arising out of fear which states women owing to their physical vulnerability should keep her sexuality in check and not become an easy prey of any kind of sexual violation but even in this argument, one cannot help but ask why a man should commit a sexual violation regardless of what the woman is wearing.

 Haven’t we all heard this: A man can’t control his sexual urges hence a woman has to be careful, dress respectfully blah blah blah! Ironically, many women have gone through incidents when she is been leched at, commented at or even molested regardless of her attire. While the moral police of this country are quick to point at a women’s cloth, behavior etc etc “for inviting this violation”, the truth is no woman wants any kind of violation and she certainly doesn’t invite it.

 The bigger picture hence is clearly about controlling a woman. The largely patriarchal society feels threatened and uncomfortable with a women’s sexuality.  A woman confident of her individuality including her sexuality makes a man powerless, hence she should be controlled- just to maintain the status quo- and what better method, by controlling her way to dress you can indirectly control the way she thinks the way she acts. The biggest danger of imposing a dress code is that it is always accompanied by threats and violence.

 So what should we make of France and Belgium’s decision? Here the question is not just about feminism but also about minority rights. But whatever the situation is how is fining a woman or putting her behind bars liberating? Agreed nothing is more regressive than putting a woman behind a burqa, head scarf etc but coercion of an kind, whether through moral policing, social pressure or even legislation is only a ste backward—another form of controlling.

They are literally the lifelines in this city of dreams where life comes to a standstill if they decide to go out of business or on strike (recently we saw just that). They are also an acid test of survival as depicted in the American tourister advertisement where a mild white man is travelling with his expensive luggage (an American tourister suitcase) during the morning rush hour. Now, the poor bloke definitely has not seen such madness right at the start, he tries get into the crowded men’s compartment. While he hanging by the pole, praying I am sure for his dear life, his luggage changes many a rough hands, thrown around like a mere dodge ball in and around the train. Towards the end, he hastily gets down at his destination (I am assuming Churchgate station); he heaves a sigh of relief. In the final shot the luggage is thrown out of the train in a one smooth throw, he catches it just on time. Comes the smart punch line: Survive Mumbai, Survive the world.

 If you are a regular traveller in Mumbai locals, the line will definitely ring a bell. Often I have believed that our locals are a true test where only the fittest can survive and I just don’t mean physical fitness but mental alertness and verbal alertness (means possessing a sharp tongue).  Living in Mumbai for the past ten years, I have realised the locals are nothing less than an institution which teaches you many things, it teaches you to stand up for yourself (what with the constant haggling for seats and standing space), it teaches you the importance of being physical fit (how else can you run behind a local), it teaches you negotiation skills (negotiating for the seats, duh) and sometimes you do actually build relationships even friendships and yep more often than not you can hear some interesting talks. From fisherwomen teaching you class quality to ladies bitching about their bosses, mother-in-laws and everything in between, to discussions of politics, state of affairs to gossip about the stars and of course to newly weds and everyone in between chalking out their steamy sex lives!!

 Yes, the locals with its colourful sometimes nasty lives are an institution. Hence, it is sad that these days the nastiness has only gone a notch up, with people huffing, puffing, fighting and abusing even at the slightest provocation. It puzzles and saddens me to witness how there is always a room for expletives like bitch, idiot and so and so forth but none for a polite please, thank you or sorry. It seems there is lot of rage and frustration in people which they are taking out on the fellow passengers, an anger so potent that like a powerful volcano it will rise and hit you before you even realise what’s happening.

 Recently, when the motor men went on a strike holding the city to a ransom, this anger was to be seen everywhere. After about an hour or so of waiting for the right train to start, I boarded a train. Needless to say, there was no sitting space even standing space was fast vanishing. Helpless I chose to stand besides another lady in front of the gate, a big mistake. As people started pouring in I got to experience what rage is. Not only there was constant nudging and shouting from all directions but people could have easily hurt each other just for some space. Amidst the chaos, I was standing there scared….scared for my life. Incredulous statements were said, “We should not let anyone else board the train,” “Lets push them out,” etc etc. Manifestation of the underlying frustration.

 I have always believed that Mumbai and its people have a unique spirit, where we would help out forgetting differences in the hour of crisis. But these days and that day in particular makes me wonder how long will our famous spirits last??

So close yet so far

I live in a catatonic state,

My every thought thinking of you,

My every breathe calling your name,

We made promises of togetherness,

Yet this long distance

Though you are close

Yet you are so far.

My head speaks a language

My heart doesn’t understand

In a melancholy state

It despairs

“My love please return,” it cries.

Though you are close

Yet you are so far.

I close my eyes

And I see you

I long for your presence

And I can feel you

The anchor of my life

But the pain still reigns

Though you are close

Yet you are far.

It is sexism when a girl child is thrown away even before she has a chance to experience life, it is sexism when girls are told to quit schools so that their brothers can get a good education, it is sexism when daughters are given less nutritious food as opposed to sons, it is sexism when women are kept isolated and treated like cattle when they have their periods (Go to Krishnagiri in Karnataka and you can actually witness this).

And sexism is certainly not a rural vice. I know of a friend, who was turned down by many editors because she had just got married. Their worry was that because she is married her husband will be her only priority and her “married” tag risks her from getting pregnant any time. A very dreadful affliction. I also know of a friend who when she was single was asked by the high and mighty of her organization (men who had hit their middle age and looking for action outside their marriages etc) if she made good use of her single status. Sexism in the professional world is very much there ensuring that the glass ceiling never breaks completely.

Sexism is any form attacks a woman’s integrity, capability and her sensibility. Hence the latest brouhaha surrounding Tharoor’s arm candy- Sunanda Pushkar-is like a double-edged sword, on one hand her professional credentials are questioned leaving you with a sense of doubt and on the other all the media reports on her reads like reading a gossip—full of voyeuristic pleasure.

In most stories she is depicted as this highly ambitious, no credentials whatsoever woman who would not think twice of howling up a man for her ambitions. Attribute the same qualities to a man and you will get a specimen who is ambitious, hardworking, snazzy, smart fellow making way for greater success. But a woman like that is a wannabe desperately trying for a higher social climb. Isn’t this kind of reporting a showcase of deep-rooted prejudice of the elite who sneer at the ambitions of people from ordinary towns?

Another point which came across was how Pushkar was made out to be a villain for daring to be attractive despite her age and widowhood. (Her choice of clothes and make-up is obviously different than mine but I have no business in pontificating regarding it) Her crime here is she chose to be different than the prevailing stereotype.

Sexism can be practiced in different ways and if you belong to the category which deems a woman to be brainless because she is good-looking or if you can also see the obvious “hotness” and not her brains, then you are being sexist. And it is equally humiliating and belittling.

 While I tend to agree that it is in a way a representation of a woman’s subservience and holding her every movement, physical and otherwise, I cannot completely disagree that it also lends an air of protection to the wearer. And that’s the problem of a largely patriarchal society where men can get away with anything. Confused? Well, so am I.

The veil, for me, is a way of showing that woman should be devoid of any voice, self-expression and of course, sexual freedom. But that’s just tip of a massive ice-berg. It also takes away the responsibility from men to behave in the remotest civilized way. It is akin to saying, that men just cannot keep their hands, eyes and everything else in place and hence woman should do the work.

 The sentiment is so well portrayed by Marjane Satrapi or Marji from the cartoon film-Persepolis. When her world is turned upside down overnight in the wake of Iranian revolution of 1979, when this teenager is forced to cover herself in dark robes and segregate herself from her guy friends as opposed to her earlier days when she could wear anything and play with boys of her age. When this girl is coaxed by her school teachers into wearing the purdah, she sassily asks, “So if a woman is supposed to cover herself up, so that men don’t get excited, shouldn’t a man too do so?”

 Her question remains unanswered, women are not supposed to have any sexual feelings, silly. Men, on the other hand, can get excited by a mere sight of any part of woman’s anatomy. I can understand that’s why for some woman, wearing a burqah is a way to protect herself. Well, haven’t we heard so many times in cases of molestation, eve-teasing and rape, that the woman somehow must have invited it by dressing in a certain way? The answer unfortunately is a big- Yes.

 In India, the courts have clearly stated that it’s entirely up to a woman’s choice whether to wear the veil or not. How the people are implementing this decision is another story. It reminds me of an apocryphal tale of a maulana who goes to preach in a village. The story goes like this; he encourages villagers to adopt a more “correct” form of Islam. He thunders that a true Muslim must give up “corrupting” influences and while doing so men must grow beard and women should, yes you guessed it, be veiled. While he is making this passionate statement, an old woman interrupts—”If you can wear a burqa and work in the fields for a whole day then I too will wear a burqa!”

 This fictional story brings out the practical side of the whole debate. But regardless, fanatics would politely point out to you that in their religion woman are not supposed to work unless circumstances extraordinaire.

 The purdah hence represents subservience in many levels-physical, emotional, sexual and financial. But the problem is not just of the Islam community but the larger society which gives the men unprecedented power through moral and social policing.

Loving you is,

stolen glances,

warm smiles,

wet kisses,

lost thoughts,

hearty laughs.

Loving you is,

the first raindrop,

the bloom of a flower,

the step of my dance,

a child’s laughter.

Loving you is,

long talks

and small fights.

Loving you is,

not just

soft lights,

candlenight dinners

and meloncholy music

but also

hard hands,

strong shoulders,

a soft embrace,

and silences

that say it all.

Loving you is today.

Loving you is tomorrow.

Think like an Indian first, said Mr. Gandhi. Now, one Indian who is paying a good price for thinking like an Indian first is our (ok ok at least mine) favorite actor Shah Rukh Khan. Probably this Khan never realized that echoing a popular public sentiment-of including Pakistani players in the IPL-would land him in a big soup. A big soup against a big bully (or a bunch of bullies), a bully who can only reclaim their flagging political career through intimidation, whose earning respect from people has always been by instigating fear. And who will turn any issue whether art or sport into that of hate politics.

It’s great that reel life actor is being strong in real life and not succumbing to these perpetrators.

But I wonder if his partner in crime, my not-so-favorite director K-Jo, hasn’t already thought of changing the name of his upcoming film. So what are his options? Call it-My name is Uddhav. No. That will definitely get the goats in the other “T” camp. Probably call it-My name is Thackeray and keep his fingers crossed that these bullies , the maai-baap of that city are once again happy. I surely hope he doesn’t do it again.

It is a pity how a great, colorful and cosmopolitan city like Bombay (oops…Mumbai…old habits do die hard) suffers time and again because of such bullies. I am not a Marathi mulgi but my heart goes to that city, that city which has given me so much.

I am a south Indian; yes a south Indian who was the victim of these bullies ire some decades ago. Today it’s the Biharis facing this ire, apparently they are taking away the dreams of having a fulfilling career from the sons of soil, and somehow, I don’t know a single Maharashtrian aspiring to be a taxi driver (hardly a career if you ask me) or even in the railways. But these bullies continue to rough up these so-called outsiders, never bothering to realize its outsiders themselves which give Mumbai its variable face.

And I can’t help but wonder why hasn’t any politician (in T camp and outside) aimed of practicing politics based on development issues, or keeping the over-all progress of Maharashtra and Mumbai. Probably, because it a tough road to take. Probably, because hate and intimidation are easier to propagate. And probably, because bullies only know this language.

Unfortunately, in this whole fracas a thousand dreams die in this city of dreams.